Moving

Dear Sage- Hey baby. I know it's been quite some time sense I have written you. We've been busy. We are getting ready to move to Florida and your so damn excited. I hope it's as good as Patrick wants it to be. I know we are going to have fun at Disney and at the beach for sure. I know your nervous about leaving Mema and Nenna behind. But we plan to have them come visit as often as we can. This is going to be a exciting new adventure for the three of us and I look forward to all the good things that lay ahead. I'm so very proud of you in the young woman your becoming. So smart and beautiful. I love you infinity googooplex times grahams number. Mommy

Rough Year

Dear Sage- Man it's been a rough year. I haven't written in a while because of all the stuff that has been going on in the last few years. Almost a year ago we lost your Papa. It's coming up on the one year mark. We are both nervous about it. I don't know what we are going to do, but whatever it is we are going to get through it. I miss him like crazy, and I'm sure you do too. We don't talk about him much because it makes me cry. I know you don't like it when I cry. But I remind you that it's okay to cry. I wish there was something that I could do. Something to make it all okay. Something to make it all easier. But I got nothing. Except you. We got each other. And together we can remember Papa, laughing or crying or whatever. I know he is with us every day. Every damn day. I love you baby girl. Mommy

Morning Baby

Dear Sage- Good Morning Love! I really don't have much to day today other then the fact that I'm so lucky to have you. I'm blessed that your my daughter and you are who you are. I love you to the moon and back! Mommy

Sad News

Dear Sage- We where given sad news. And I couldn't tell you all of it because your still way to young to understand. We found out Poppa's Cancer is back. That's about all you DO know. What you DON'T know is how bad it is. I'm writing this because I want you to know everything. When Poppa first got the cancer two years ago, he had it removed and had chemo. The chemo was the hardest thing he's every done. And sense then he's always said that he would never do that again. Ever. Well now there's a new Cancer. It's taken over most of the whole lung and it's in part of the 1/2 lung he has left. It's also on a lymph node. Which means it's going to spread through out his body. They told Poppa all his options. Which are all bad. No matter how you look at it. Without treatment he have him maybe 4-8 more months. With treatment and it not working we have him 16-20 months. If it works, we could have him for, god willing, years. The treatment is going to be horrible for Poppa. Chemo and radiation for 6 weeks straight, 5 days radiation and 1 day chemo. Poppa's doing it because he loves us and wants to be with us for as long as he possibly can. It's going to be the hardest thing he's ever done in his whole life, but he's doing it for You, Nenna, Mema and I. He doesn't want to leave his "girls". Poppa is gonna be in bad shape the next few weeks. I just hope someday when you look back on this you remember him for the great man he is and not what is going to happen to him soon. I have to stop now cause it's hard for me. I will write more another time. I love you baby Mommy

Ackward Conversations

Dear Sage- Today is a two letter day. I think I like that :) Yesterday we had a discussion that you didn't like. Honestly baby, I didn't like it either. But it needed to be done. It wasn't the first, and sadly it won't be the last. Yesterday I had to discuss with you about bad people. Specifically a bad man who lives in the community, who taught at your school and others schools. A substitute who was arrested for child porn. Now this man, thankfully, never was in your class. But he did get arrested and he did do bad things, and it's my job to make sure your aware and you know what to do. I don't think I can tell you enough how it's NOT OK, and to SPEAKE UP. These people pray on the children who they think will be silent and scared and wont tell. I want you to TELL THE WORLD. I want all children TO SCREAM at the top of their lungs. We had a small conversation about it and I could tell you didn't know what to think. But I could also tell that you WOULD tell me if something happened. If someone made you feel uncomfortable or asked you to do things you know you are not supposed to do. I'm sorry we live in a world that we have to discuss this, and more then just once. Sadly we live in a world where some people have a hard time distinguishing right from wrong. I try my hardest, with every breathe, to make sure that you aren't around people who don't know the difference. But in doing that, sadly it means that we have to talk about it. And I have to educate you so that you are prepared for what could happen. I'm sorry. I wish I could make it all go away. I love you infinity googolplex Graham's Number Mommy

New Challenges

Dear Sage- You have started the Fourth Grade and your thriving. I love how much your enjoying learning and I hope it stays this way forever. Reality tends to lead me to believe that you will start to dislike school once your in Middle School, and that's okay as long as you still try. Right now you have signed up for Art Club, Chorus and Band. My busy little girl. I enjoy listening to you talk about these things and the fun you are having. But last night I noticed that you where getting frustrated with yourself. You have just started the Flute. You have had two lessons at school and you ARE trying at home. It's not easy. The mean it when they say practice makes perfect. I saw you trying VERY hard and still not getting what you wanted out of it. It will be okay. The more you practice, the more lessons you attended, the easier it gets. This is a test of patience and character. And honestly baby girl, from what I have seen your doing just fine. You continued to practice the whole 20 minutes like you where supposed to. You where determined to finish it out and that shows a lot. I'm proud of you for not giving up. I will continue to be proud of you for trying, even if you don't always get the 100% desired results. I can't wait to write you and tell you what a amazing job your doing, how much you have learned and how beautifully you play. I can see it in your future. I have faith. I love you infinity googolplex Graham's Number Mommy

Fourth Grade

Dear Sage- Where has the time gone? Tomorrow is the first day of Fourth Grade for you. I'm sitting here thinking about all the milestones and days that have gone by, too fast. I remember taking you to your first day of Kindergarten. How excited you where in your new outfit and your hair done all cute. You where so ready for school. I was excited for you but so sad. You where starting school, I wasn't fully ready for that yet. I have worked sense you where born, so me being separate from you wasn't so much the issue as it was that you where getting older. You where going to be wiser and Mommy wouldn't know everything you needed to know any more. I've seen you grow so much in just the last four years, not only physically but mentally as well. It is amazing to me the things your mind can retain. Your such a smart girl with a love of learning right now. I hope that never changes. If I could make a wish or two for you in this new year it would be the following: -For you to make friends, even with the people who where "mean" last year. Let the old go, bygones be bygones. Remember what I say, "You never know what is going on in someone else's life. What if they are having a hard time at home and that's why they aren't always nice at school." People have bad days now and then. Sometimes you have to be reminded to use nicer words and not sound like your being pushy or bossy when you don't intend to. -When the holidays come around, just remember the good things about our little family. I know sometimes it's very hard for you with everyone talking about the things they do with their Moms and Dads. It break's my heart how strong you are when it comes to your Father. I will always do my best to make sure your proud of your little family. It may only be just the few of us (Poppa, Memma, Nenna and I) but we love you more then anything. There's nothing that we wouldn't do for you. So when your sad about your Dad around those days, try to remember the positive you have in your life. It wont always help and I know it wont make it go away, I just hope it helps. You have a tendency to act out during these times of the year. I will never know your pain, I will never be able to make it go away. I just hope that it helps to think of these positive things. -Learn(silly I know) But learn it all. Not just what they are lecturing about in class. But learn how people work. All people. Learn about their lives and their traditions. Learn to be a honest, open minded, caring person. A young woman with a open heart and open mind will go far. And I know you have it in you to be the most amazing person. I love you so much. I want the world for you. I hope I can help you achieve a piece of it. Love you infinity, googolplex, Grahams Number, Mommy