Bad Mother

Dear Sage- The last few days have been rough. I'm feeling like the worst Mother ever and your doing all you can to make me feel better. Which makes me feel worse, not your fault. Mommy's finally got a good job and I'm trying to get us back up and on our feet and it seems like one thing after another. I just cant seem to get the car working right. So I've been taking a cab to work for months now and figuring out how to get home. The cab is costing a fortune but I know I cant loose this job. So because I cant keep up with the bills now the lights are out. And because they want so much money, money I don't have, I don't know when they are going to be back on. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. And your being such a good sport and not complaining. Even offering me your $2 from your wallet. Your compassion and smiles just make my heart swell. I wish I could be the mother you deserve. I wish that you wouldn't have to even know about things like no car, the power going out, food being low in the cupboards until pay day. I promise you that I'm trying my hardest. That EVERYTHING I do, I do to try to make your life better. To make you happy. To see you smile and hear you tell me that you love me. I want to be the mother that you can be proud of and that you can say gave her all. I'm trying. I love you infinity googolplex, Mommy

Sorry

Dear Sage- Today I want to apologize. I want to apologize for a number of things. For not being able to do all the things you want to do. For not taking you to the lake every day, for not letting you play with kids that are not good for you to be around. But most of all for doing my job. I know that in a few years we will be at odds. At odds because you will be a teenager going through your life making decisions that you have to live with. Decisions that I'm going to not agree with and most likely end up fighting with you about. Just know, that I'm not doing this because I don't love you. I'm doing it because I DO love you. I want you to learn from your mistakes. But some things as a Mother, you just have to put your foot down and not allow. Not give you the chance to learn from. There are so many forces in this world that are going against you from the moment you are born. And it's my job to do what I have to do to keep you far away from those things. I will ground you, for long periods of time. I will most likely yell at you, for long periods of time. I will take things from you (phone, tv, ect.), for long periods of time. I will do all this, for one reason: I want to have you in my life, for a long period of time. You are to young for a lot of the talks. But they will happen. You will be uncomfortable, and believe me, so will I. You wont understand why I'm talking to you about these things because you learn about them in school and your smart enough to say no. But I will do it any way. I hope every day no matter how mad you get at me, you know that I'm doing all this because your my baby girl and I love you and want to keep you as safe as I possibly can. Your only 9 years old but your so much more mature beyond your years. I know things are going to go fast, the years are already flying by. Soon, to soon, I will be enemy number 1, but I will always be your Mother. And I will always do what's best for you. I love you infinity googolplex, Momma